Going Postal?

Here’s another good story submitted to The Staple Gun by Anonymous

There was a this new guy at work, (obviously I can’t tell you his name) and this guy was a total tool. Total entry level, but all he did was whine all day. The more he whined, the more it made us want to annoy the shit out of him. It became like a quest. What can we do today to drive this guy nuts. Another guy I work with decided to take those inserts you find in magazines and fill them out in his name. So, once we all found out about it, we all decided to fill out as many of them as we could. Anything from Ladies Home Journal to hard-core porn, we filled out in this guy’s name using his work address. Well, he goes on vacation and came back to find over 200 pieces of mail in his mailbox when he came back. The mailman literally dropped a SACK of mail off. We were nice enough to leave his copy of STUDS right on top for everyone to see.

Sloth and Dave Navarro

Ok. I’ve been away again, but I’ve actually been interviewing like crazy. And of course.... still not getting anywhere. I was actually interviewed on Tuesday by the world’s ugliest person. He came pretty close to looking like that guy ‘Sloth’ from The Goonies. Except he had a wicked case of acne to boot.
You keep reading all these stories about companies discriminating against fat and ugly people and that they consciously or unconsciously tend to hire thin, good-looking people. Which in no way can explain why everybody I’ve met during this whole process has got an ass the size of a 747 and has a face that looks like they grew up next to a nuclear reactor. No, really. A female recruiter I met with at an Investment Bank had so much facial hair, I nicknamed her Dave Navarro (for the goatee).
Thank God for St. Patrick’s Day! I got to spend a blessed night getting drunk without all the hassle of people telling me, “maybe you shouldn’t drink so much”.
To which I say, it’s cheaper than a shrink.